On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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