I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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