Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize