Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
