I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
