I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
