Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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