Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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