Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
