you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
