Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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