onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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