u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
