just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i came on her dog
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
