I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
