did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
