my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
