Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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