I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
