you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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