i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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