yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
