Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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