You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
