Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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