Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
