You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
