ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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