Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
