imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
