You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
