i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
