We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
