just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
