I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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