i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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