Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
