i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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