shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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