I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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