She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
