Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
