so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
