i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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