Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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