I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
