my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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