i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
