I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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