omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
