anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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