I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize