There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
