can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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