yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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