Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
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he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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