I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
