The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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