The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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