when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
