I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
