It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
