sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
