you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
