i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hippo gnu deer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
