So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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