Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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